DownshoreDrift

I had a beautiful post written. It was eloquent, heart wrenching, and sublime - it was the greatest piece of literature ever written. It perfectly described what we were going through, what tomorrow would bring, and how all would be well.  Then, in the publishing, it got deleted. So, instead of sublime, you get this!

Surgery is tomorrow morning.  We have to be at Children's Hospital at 5:45am.  Yes, that's in the "morning."  We are nervous, but trusting God.  It is so hard to think about what Caelan will go through.  He trusts us completely, and yet we are turning him over to be cut on and go through dangerous surgery that will be very painful for him in the recovery.  As a parent, this is so hard. But, we know that it is for his best, and will in turn, begin the process of saving his life.

I guess that is how God is with us when it comes to some of the suffering that enters our life. While He loves us and wants what is best for us, at times, He allows difficult things into our lives so that our affection for this world is replaced by a hope in Him for the life to come.  He, at times, allows suffering, so that we will find our hope in Him, the Source of Life.  We trust the Lord in this and look to Jesus for healing and strength, and we pray that in all things, He is glorified.  May it be so.  Amen.

I'll give more information later, but I just wanted to write a quick update. We went to UAB again today and met with the surgeon, oncologist, etc. Surgery is scheduled for Friday. They are going to have to remove the tumor now and then send it off for further pathology testing. They still strongly believe that it is cancerous, but there is a small possibility that it is benign and they have to know that before they treat it. Either way, the tumor has to come out.  We were hoping that they would shrink it down before they tried to take it out, but they said that chemo would not shrink it that much anyway because of the small number of possible cancer cells within the tumor.

The good news is that his chemotherapy will not be as intense as we thought to begin with if it is cancer. The bad news is that this is a very extensive surgery (3-4 hours) and they will remove cartilege, muscle tissue, and part of some of his ribs from his chest wall. Ouch. We will be in the hospital until at least Tuesday of next week.  They will put a patch over his chest to allow for growth and recovery.

Please pray for God to remove the tumor before Friday! That might seem silly to some of you, but we believe in miracles and we will pray like that throughout the duration. If God allows the tumor to remain, pray for the surgery to go well and for a quick recovery.

We so appreciate each one of you who have prayed for Caelan and our family. We also appreciate all of the tangible help that we have received the last couple of weeks. You have no idea how much you mean to us. The support from childcare, to help with gas, to snacks for the road trips, to everything in between has been an incredible lifesaver.  As we said before, God is showing us His love through you and we are humbled, yet not surprised.  Our church is amazing and we praise God for you.  Brandi, Cheryl, Mike, Dan - for today we thank you - you are amazing!

We had a rough weekend, but God is so faithful. He met us in a powerful way yesterday in worship, throughout the day, and then last night.  Every 6 weeks or so, our church has a special time of prayer and worship on Sunday nights. We really experienced God's presence and a strong awareness that He is with us, despite the many trials that we face throughout life. As long as we experience His presence, we can handle anything that comes our way. We praise the immovable God!

Welcome to the Rollercoaster.  Well, we had this plan, you see, that we had gotten all prepared for.  We were headed to Children's Hospital at UAB yesterday to begin chemotherapy and get the ball rolling with the recovery of our son, Caelan.  All along we have been waiting for the confirmation pathology results from Emory that told us exactly what kind of cancer Caelan had.  The doctors need that information before treatment, so they know exactly what to do and exactly what kind of treatment to give.  Well, two weeks later, they still do not have it.  The results came back, but they are inconclusive.  So, we have to go on Monday for a consultation with the whole team, and then possibly have MAJOR surgery on Wednesday to remove the whole tumor from Caelan's side.  Here is the official press release from our Chief of Staff, Erika:

We head to Children's Hospital at UAB in Birmingham tomorrow, we believe, to begin chemotherapy.  I say, "we believe," because we are still waiting for the pathology results to come back from Emory to tell us exactly what kind of cancer it is. We were supposed to be there at 0730, but now we are waiting for a phone call.  It will either be Friday afternoon, or worse case, sometime next week.  We are growing anxious and are ready to get on with it.  I'll confess that I am starting to struggle with the enormity of this and the stress is growing.  I am still TOTALLY convinced that Caelan is going to be o.k., but I am beginning to feel a whole lot of different emotions. They come in strange times, my short term memory is next to nothing, I'm not processing information well, I am on edge, and because of weariness, I am finding it harder to "feel" happy (not that you "feel" happy when you hear your child has cancer - maybe I mean that I am finding it harder to "act" happy - sadness is really starting to creep in).  I'm still praising God in the midst of this, we are believing God for great things, and our resolve of faith is not shaken, but the walk that we are beginning is not easy.  Caelan is happy as he can be and he has no idea what is going on.  It will be devastating to see him suffer. I love him so much.

People at the church have been AMAZING!!!  They are supporting us, helping us, and truly showing us who Jesus is.  If you don't know Christ and are not a part of a Jesus focused church, you are missing out on the most amazing thing.  Our folks are so loving, supportive, and kind.  I cannot imagine facing this without them.  From the bottom of our hearts, thank you.

Over the past couple of months, I have been thinking a great deal about trusting God in the midst of suffering.  I have felt compelled to preach and teach on trusting the Lord even when things begin to fall apart.  I have taught through the letter to the 2 Corinthians in my Sunday School class and have mentioned this many times on both Wednesday night and Sunday morning.  I have noticed in my own life how at the first sign of trouble, my heart often fails and I start to fall to pieces.  "Where is the Lord?" I ask.  Somehow, I think that I deserve special treatment and my life should be good at all times.  But, God has been challenging me with the question: Will I trust Him when suffering comes?  Is my life built upon the rock or upon sand? What am I really putting my hope in? 

Jesus said in Matthew 7:24-27,

                                                                                                                                                                                  ^{(Tooth of Time, New Mexico)}

²⁴"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. ²⁵The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. ²⁶But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. ²⁷The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

When the storms of life come, we find out if we have put our faith in the Lord, who is the Rock, or if our faith is in what we can control and acquire for ourselves - sand.

12. 45. 75. 3. 1.  Exhausting.  Today we went to Children's Hospital in Birmingham to visit the oncologist and to receive a bunch of numbers and further information about the treatment of our son, Caelan Joshua for cancer.  It was an exhausting and emotional day as the full weight of what we are facing was presented to us.  I'll get right to the point and lay it out for you.  Through it all, God has been good and the prayers of so many people are bearing us up and seeing us through.  Thank  you.

He still has cancer.  We learned that on Thursday and it was verified today in person.  It still stinks.  The name of it is something that I cannot pronounce and don't really want to.  It is very dangerous and life threatening, but they feel that he has an excellent chance to make it and the cancer is curable.  So that is good news!  I asked what "excellent" means and the doctor gave us a 75% chance.  If he responds to the treatment, he'll recover fully.  If not, he won't make it.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" - John 16:33.

My family wants to thank each one of your from the bottom of our hearts for the love, support, and prayers that we have received.  It really is making a difference and we are experiencing a supernatural faith, strength, confidence and peace that is impossible to explain.  Thank you so much!  I praise God for each of you.  God is giving us a perspective that only comes through His Spirit and it is seeing us through.

As we step into this time of trial with our son, Caelan, I am thinking a lot about suffering, and ultimately about the suffering of Jesus.  We had our Good Friday service last night and afterwards watched The Passion of the Christ.  I was, once again, amazed at how Jesus took a beating for us and how God was most glorified through the SUFFERING of His only Son. When we think of God, we think of glory, power, strength, and holiness.  We think of the Supreme Judge who gave the Ten Commandments and who thunders with power.  It is difficult, if not impossible, to understand that God hung on a cross for us.  He was beaten for us. He gave His life for us.  The Cross of Christ was the apex of human history and we learn more about God from that event than from anything else in Scripture.  God became flesh. He went to a brutal Roman cross.  He suffered and died so that we would have life.  Amazing Grace.

This gives special meaning to the cancer that my son is going through and all of our suffering . . .

Over the past couple of weeks, our family has been going through a pretty tough time. My last couple of posts have alluded to it a bit without really saying what it is.  Almost three weeks ago, my wife found a lump on the chest of my 8 month old son, Caelan.   We took him to the doctor, got referred to a surgeon from Children's Hospital at UAB in Birmingham, went in for ultrasound and Cat Scan, and then had a biopsy done (all of this last week).  We had to wait until today to get the results, but we finally heard from the surgeon.

She called and said that they are fairly certain that the tumor is cancer.  They do not know for sure and they are sending the tissue sample off for other tests and a second opinion, but all indications at this point are that it is cancer.  We will meet with the surgeon and oncologist on Monday in Birmingham to chart out a course of action, discuss our options, and to move toward beginning treatment.  Treatment could consist of any type of combination of medication, chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery.  They'll know more of what to do when they know exactly what it is.

My wife and I are choosing to trust God in this.  We are told to "rejoice in the Lord always" and I guess that now counts as always.  That even means when things are really hard.  I have been trying to live out Philippians 4:4-9 that says,

⁴Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

    ⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me— put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

I truly am experiencing God's peace right now, even though our future is uncertain.  We will lift up our little boy to the Lord and pray for healing.  He is a sweet little boy and he loves to play with his brothers and sister. We will not stop praying and we will not stop praising God.  I know that there are difficult times ahead for our son, and we are praying for God's strength to pull Him through.  When people ask what they can do for us, we really do mean it when we say, "Pray believing."  God wants us to trust Him, even when life is hard. He will see us through.  We would appreciate the prayers of anyone who reads this and I will be posting updates here when I get new information.  I praise God for our church, Gateway, and all of their support and prayers.  There are a couple of things we know:  God is not surprised by this, and this is just another chance for God to prove Himself strong.  More later . . .

I saw this on Liquidthinking and I thought, "Wow, that's definitely how I've felt some days." Life seems to be going really well, you are enjoying God's beauty and creation, all the while, danger is lurking right behind you. This picture is kind of funny, but it also reminds us to be on guard and aware at all times.  You could actually draw a bunch of different lessons from this.  What are yours?

The guys at Liquidthinking also have some great thoughts on the Kingdom and the Gospel that are worth checking out.  I especially like what they are saying about God having a course marked out for us ahead of time as they tackle the concept of predestination in Ephesians 1.  I think that we misinterpret the predestination verses and give too much weight to eternal decrees dictating the future, rather than looking at it more from the perspective of God's will for His creation, including us. This is not to take away from His soveriegnty or to allow for an open universe, but to recognize that He is working and involved in the redemption of the world through us and His own activity. 

Here's another interesting picture that I ripped off from the same site.  It illustrates the same point as before. Just when you think you're having a great day . . . 

(Picture of Point Reyes, CA, near SF where we lived in the late 90's - it illustrates Downshoredrift, which I'll talk about later in the post)

It's late and I can't sleep.  I have a lot on my mind. Sure, I went to bed a few hours ago, excited about turning in early, but I keep spinning, thinking about all types of things. So, I prayed and prayed, and still my mind raced. I've got a lot going on, I think, and I keep trying to get a handle on life.  Sometimes, I find it hard to settle down.

I haven't blogged much lately, and obviously have not gotten my message notes up from the last couple of weeks like I wanted to. I've been really busy and distracted, it seems, living in the tyranny of the urgent, so to speak. Blogging is a good practice, I feel, because it disciplines me to think through stuff, get my thoughts together, and hopefully, it provides an opportunity for feedback from my church on things we have been talking about.  So, hopefully the message notes will be up this week, but I've had life going on quite a bit.  Here are some things that have been going on the past week that has me up late tonight thinking: